The Great Conard Easter Egg Hunt

Isaac won this year despite Mark trying to wrestle candy away from everyone!

TRUST AND OBEY

Recently, we have let the cat out of the bag, so to speak, about my resigning from the Chaplain Corp for us to go back overseas as missionaries. It has come as a shock to a few people. But most people who know us said things like: “We wondered when you were going to go back!”

 A few people have reminded us what a great mission field we are already in here in the military. No doubt about that. Zambia was a great mission field, too, and it was hard to leave. Many people did not understand why we left Zambia for the military six years ago. We did not completely understand either, but we had to obey. And now, looking back, we can see more clearly. Not only has the Lord allowed us to minister to families and Marines here, but He has grown us up a lot too. And we would never have been able to bring Josiah home without the good military pay (and a beautiful church family:) in America.  When we left Zambia, one of the things we prayed was "Lord, please never let us get too comfortable that we are unwilling to go back."  So here we are, six years later, and we are experiencing that sense of peace, of "oughtness" about going back.  It is completely and utterly unreasonable. We are very comfortable. We are happy.

 But a few months ago, when we sat down as a family to discuss our future, it became clear that staying in the military was not what any of us wanted. We all agreed that the separations (almost 3 years apart in the past 6) are too many and not good for our family. So the next, natural question was "Lord, what are You doing?" We talked about the pastorate or other chaplain ministries in the States. But for our whole family what we kept coming back to is that we are missionaries, and if not in the military then perhaps God was directing us back overseas? We had been thinking and praying about that idea for a good two years anyway. (And specifically, we had prayed about the possibility of somehow going back to be missionaries and minister to missionaries –to help them stay on the field).

So once again we brought this before our children. They were enthusiastic and willing- all five of them! So we began to pray and earnestly seek God's will and His direction (Which, I have to say, no matter how all this turns out, has brought us so close as a family that it will all have been worth it - to see how our kids have grown deeper in the Word and in prayer because they all realize what a huge decision this is). Its one thing to tell your kids to obey God and follow Him -even when it is difficult and involves something painful, but it’s another thing to do it. We've taught our children about missionaries, about unreached people groups, about our fellow Christians suffering in places like the Sudan, but it is another thing to sell everything (again) and quit a great-paying job with benefits, and go minister in a strange culture with five kids in tow. We even have to ask ourselves -do we believe God is able? Could He really mean for us to do this?  His ways are not our ways... So we plunged ahead…

We began to research missions agencies and the work they are doing, and finally began phone interviews. We narrowed it down to two and then finally one –SIMUSA (Serving in Missions).  Having worked with several SIM missionaries while we were in Zambia, we were impressed with their focus on evangelism and discipleship alongside meeting physical needs like medical help, food, education, etc. We also appreciated their good stewardship as a sending agency.  When we went to complete their application and 12 page doctrinal questionnaire, we were even more impressed with their Biblical integrity and felt that we would fit right in.  From the beginning, the staff of SIM has prayed for and with us through each step.

The position that we are seeking to fill is based in Nairobi but working on the Sudan mission team. I would be filling the role of Missionary Chaplain – heading up Member care and Pastoral Care for the Sudan missionaries. Basically this means that I (and sometimes Stacey) would fly into Sudan (both Sudan and South Sudan) several times a year to minister to the missionaries and national Christians there –and basically lending a hand in whatever areas are needed. Currently, the team is comprised of 60 missionaries doing church work and evangelism, various food and water projects, education, and providing medical care (especially in the South where refugees are flooding in from the North). It is a stressful and sometimes dangerous area to work in. Missionaries there are in desperate need of Pastoral Care to help them stay the task. They also come out frequently to decompress and resupply in Nairobi, Kenya –that’s why our family will be based there.  We will assist and encourage the missionaries when they come into Nairobi through hospitality and further pastoral care. We also expect to have an active ministry in Nairobi sharing the Gospel and discipling believers.  

All of that said, we will be attending a selection conference with SIM in May where we will (hopefully) officially become SIM missionaries and begin the journey of raising finances for our ministryJ

That is a really loooong discourse explaining this process we are in. But maybe it will answer a few questions. If not, feel free to write and ask.

If you want to stay abreast of updates or possibly be a future prayer and finance partner, then send us your email address and your regular mail address. We will let you know how things proceed and what the needs are.

In the meantime, please pray for our family as we make necessary adjustments and seek God’s direction daily.

And please pray for our brothers and sisters in Sudan and South Sudan.

Blessings and peace,

Mark and Stacey Conard

usnfam4him@gmail.com

276-791-0615

106 Constitution St

New Orleans, LA 70114

“But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail; and you, when once you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.” Luke 22:32

One Year Home This Month!!

Yesterday marked Josiah's "first" Birthday and his Adoption Day. In China, his birthday (November 8th, as given to him by the orphanage when he was found) was never celebrated. It turned out that last year, I actually met Josiah and signed the adoption paperwork on November 8th. So we get to celebrate TWO special things with him this year. Since Nana and Poppop came to visit last week, we had a special early "Thanksgiving"dinner last Friday and celebrated being a Family. Nana and Poppop gave Josiah a Star Wars blanket for his bed and we gave him some Star Wars pjs.

 Yesterday, we celebrated Josiah's birthday with a Peanuts/Snoopy theme. He was so excited leading up to November 8th. I don't know if any kid has every enjoyed having a birthday so much!

Last night at bedtime, Benjamin prayed with a heartfelt gratitude that matched what we all felt: "Thank You Lord for letting us adopt Josiah. Thank You for bringing him into our family, because we love him SO much!".
Amen.

He's Home and We're On the Road Again...

After two and a half years here at Camp Lejeune Marine Corp Base in North Carolina, we are headed for Mark's next duty station in New Orleans. Mark's return from Afghanistan was a blessing. I have included a couple of pictures. I think you can see the total relief and happiness we felt that he was safely home.
Pretty soon after Mark got home we took the kids on a trip to Busch Gardens. It was a blast! Pictures also included. After a few thrilling hours, as we sat resting on the train benches, Mark asked Josiah is he was having fun. Josiah answered emphatically "Yes!". Then he paused mid-smile and said quietly "Please, I don't ever want to go back to China."  Thats when his Daddy took him in his arms and assured him that he never needs to worry about that. He is a Conard, and he's staying!

The rest of the Summer has been spent here in Jacksonville just getting in the family groove with Mark again. It always takes some time for all of us to readjust. But is has actually been amazingly smooth on the family side. The greatest difficulty has been Mark adjusting to being back in the States and out of a combat zone where stress was constant and high. Last week, Mark's Battalion gave him a Navy Commendation. That was a big honor and humbling to him. But I know he deserved it. Mark loves his Marines.
Now, orders have rolled around again and its time to move. We pack up and head out next week, this time to the Crescent City -New Orleans. We will be living right down near all the fun - in Algiers, the new Federal City. Mark will work at the brand new Marine Force Reserve HQ Building. And best of all, he will be HOME SWEET HOME most of the time for the next three years. Sweet!
We are all pretty excited about the new adventures ahead. I think our kids are now conditioned to actually look forward to moving every 2 or 3 years.  Our big sadness is leaving the "cousins" behind.  And you will probably hear me and Stephanie (my twin sister) crying all the way around the counrty!

But now I just have to gear up for a 12 hour car ride with the kids... It does provide some comic relief to hear Josiah squeal "Who cut tha cheese?!!! Who cut tha cheese?!!". Or occasionally he will point out the window and show us the "Mo Mo cycles!!" (motorcycles) going by.
Fun times. Fun times...

FREE! FREE AT LAST!

Last week on a particular warm sunny (84*) day, we headed to the beach. Josiah had never seen the ocean before. HE LOVED IT!
We played and played. As I watched Jojo squatting in the sand building a ?? (not sure), he exclaimed "America GOOD for me!! China no good for me." I had to agree.

Now this may seem harsh to some of you and maybe a little unappreciative of the country who gave me my son. But the truth is the truth. China wasn't very good to him. After being totally immersed in English for four months, he is fluent. He even uses English euphemisms and slang correctly. The kiddo is SMART! 
But in the Chinese orphanage he was considered "mentally retarded". He wore a diaper and was not allowed to go on field trips or even to the playground with the other children because of his problem. At bedtime one night he sadly described watching the other children go on excursions and having to stay back with the physically and mentally disabled. There was a vacant, straight-ahead stare on his face as he told me. I said "That must have made you very sad." He was still. Then his face crumpled and he cried out in anguish "Me SO sad!!" and then fell into my arms and wept.
Thank God for healing. Thank God that he is here now.
He tells me more, every day a little more. I am learning my son. He is mine.
I grieve that I was not there to help him then, and I marvel at how God protected his tender heart. He is developmentally like a four or five year old now. But in other ways he is much older, much wiser. He is gentle to others, and he still worries about the little children we left behind. He told me very matter of factly that at night the children would be hit about the head and neck if they talked or made noises, but he would very quietly tell stories to the younger children. They must miss him now.
But he is free. He hasn't needed a diaper since the day he left the orphanage. His sisters take him to the playground to swing whenever he wants. His brothers play outside with him every day. A friend gave him a new scooter all his own. The beach is just a short drive away. He has a real Mommy and a Daddy who is coming home in 8 weeks from Afghanistan.
Life is good in America for Josiah MingHua Conard.
But lets pray for those left behind. They need Mommy's and Daddy's too.

Some Helpful Things I Am Learning Along the Way...

Most of these great ideas are taken from two terrific adoption resources:
The Connected Child - a book by Dr. Karyn Purvis and the dvd series "Because They Waited"....

* Do-overs: the opportunity to do it again using respectful words.
* Use WORDS, not behaviors, to be understood...not hitting, whining, screaming.
* Parent: Look for ways to make connections throughout the day. Lots of eye contact, positive touching.
* Be positive.
* Redirect gently.
* Avoid setting off the internal alarm/ survival mode. In other words dont respond to their behavior in anger or impatience -this definitely sets it off in most hurt children.
* Be nurturing in your parenting connections -not avoidant. We don't need to make them "independent"by creating distance. Most of them have been forced to be prematurely independent in the orphanage. Get close!
* Pre-Script (my word) or rehearse whats coming. Tell the child what will happen in a situation BEFORE you go. Explain the choices involved and the guidelines/rules clearly. Keep it simple.
* Lots of positive touch throughout the day. Stay close. Hugging, patting, back rubs.
* Remember, blood sugar levels affect behavior. Take snacks and water on all outings.
* Use the sandwich technique to evalute child's behavioral progress with them. That is:
PRAISE- mention something they are doing well
CORRECTION- mention something that needs work
PRAISE -remind them of a success they have had in the above area.


Following are some behavioral goals for children working on attachment, from Dr. Purvis' book page 193, that I think are great - and simple:

*Listen to my heart
*Be respectful
*Accept NO
*No hitting! (no hurts)
*Be kind, not just polite.
*Express my feelings.
*Use my words (not my behaviors)
*Trust safe people
*Be patient

All of these things are terrific. Some days I feel like I hit it right on the mark. Other days, like yesterday, I couldn't even find the mark! There is no magic formula. I am learning that adopting an older child is a tough game, and I did not know the rules before I signed up!  Some days, like yesterday, I wake up and (to my shame) find myself thinking of him "Are you still here!?". I don't want to deal with another tantrum, another language misunderstanding, another sibling conflict, or hear him sing Dr. Halley's (the dentist) "Go To Sleep, Teeth" song one more time. I don't want to be touched, followed to the bathroom, or talked-to incessantly. I want to withdraw inside of myself. But that is exactly what he DOES NOT need. He needs connection -from me.
Even now, as I write this, the little fellow is hovering over me insisting that I get off the computer. He dislikes anything that competes with him for my attention. Usually my computer times are shorter for that reason. But today I just felt strongly about writing this blog.
Too often in the adoption world, we focus on the beautiful, hopeful story of a "forever family". At the other extreme are the very sad stories of adoption dissolution. In between is the reality. The reality of adopting an older child, as I have come to know it, is that it is a daily struggle of making connections and learning what does and does not work for this individual child. At the same time, I am piecing together a jigsaw puzzle about his past. I desperately want to know about his life before us, because it will always affect him. And if it affects him then it affects his family.  We, as his parents, need to be able to help him blend it together so that one day he will be able to see the rich tapestry that God has been weaving all along.
So for now, I'd better get off the computer and connect with this little guy. I believe there will be a payoff tomorrow:)

Growing Pains...

Mark,
I wish you were here to see how the kids are growing. I dont just mean physically  - I mean in every way! Its amazing the amount of stretching and pulling that is required to fit in a new family member...but you would be proud.  I think everyone is adjusting very well.
For instance, I used to worry about Isaac. As the youngest, he has always been in danger of being a little spoiled you know.  After all, he is our preemie. But since Josiah joined the family, Isaac has had lots of practice learning to think about someone other than himself. And since Josiah LOOKS like a 7 year old but ACTS more like a 3 or 4 year old, I notice that Isaac has really taken him under his wing and looks out for him. They get along great.  Being about the same size, they love to wrestle and tickle and play together. Josiah is even impressing Isaac with his emerging LEGO skills. It is wonderful to see Isaac putting someone else first.
Then there is our gentle Benjamin. He truly relishes his role as big brother. And even though he and Josiah have managed to butt heads occasionally, Ben's good-naturedness is just what JoJo needs to diffuse a tense moment. Even when Ben is on the receiving end of one of Josiah's temper-tantrums, he will look at me with a grin and whisper about his little brother "Isn't he CUTE when he gets mad and his eyes squint up like that!".
Katie is Josiah's special play-mate. She never makes him mad always laughs when he wants to be silly and is quick to take him to the playground to swing. She loves to tickle and play. The two of them have their own funny slap-stick humor routine. Katie has taught JoJo how to make all kinds of funny faces. She brings out the natural comedian in our little guy.
Aahh, then there is "Ge Ge". That's Grace.  "Ge Ge" means Big Sister in Chinese and it is the ONLY name Josiah will call her. It is a very special position. He seems to see Katie as the playmate but GeGe is the caretaker. She is closest in position to Momma and Aunt Stephanie. Both the girls have been great with Josiah. They have embraced their new brother. After only his first week home Katie declared "We could never be a family without him!".
Mark, dearest, I know you are proud of them all. From the very beginning of this journey, all the kids have made the decision to love Josiah. They daily make the choice to act on that decision. They see how Jesus is working in his heart. They see how God healed his body.
What they don't see, but I do, is how the Lord is also working in them. He is loving through them. He is letting them be His hands and feet.

One of Josiah's favorite movies is the Tigger movie. Its about the Winnie the Pooh character Tigger who goes looking for his "real" Tigger family. In the end, Tigger is unable to find anymore Tiggers. But he finds that his real family is right there with him in the Hundred-Acre-Wood : Pooh, Piglet, Kanga, Roo, Rabbit, Eyeore, Owl, and Christopher Robin. Josiah is always delighted at the end of the story when Tigger declares that he has found his family. Occasionally after watching it, JoJo has said things like "In China, me have no family. Me one, like Tigger.".
Well, last night, after a little arguement over some Legos, Josiah and Benjamin apologized to one another. Josiah was clearly worried that Ben was angry (and actually Ben had a reason to be). " Ben angry me! Me sad!", he sobbed. Right away Benjamin threw his arms around his little brother and exclaimed "No Josiah. Ben loves you! I forgive you. I love you my brother!". An amazing look came over Josiah's face - as if he could hardly understand what he was being offered - forgiveness and love - instead of shame, guilt, fear.  His face brightened. "Me family!" he cried out, "Me family."
Aaah, he's getting it!
Yes, Tigger, we are family.