Enlarge the place of my tent, O Lord!

Well if there is one thing this adoption has shown me about myself it is how "Adam-like" I am (no offence to all you Adams out there). I am disappointed in the strong pull of my sin nature...how easily I can resent an intrusion into my comfortable, predictable life...how I cling to my paltry routines and my "freedoms"...how insulated I have become from a world where things like hunger, toothaches, and want are the norm.  But now right here in our home is a living, breathing, precious reminder that my world was becoming way too small.
"Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwelling. Do not spare. Lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes." (Isaiah 54:2)
Yes, Lord - enlarge my tent.
And my mind.
And my heart.

First Dentist Visit and more

This week Josiah had his first American dentist visit. He did really well. Unfortunately, his teeth need a lot of work. Poor little guy has three chronic absesses from rotten teeth. Pain must be his "normal". They sent us to a special pediatric dentist in Wilmington today. She will try to tackle the issue (part I) on Monday so please pray for him. I had hoped we could have it all done at once under general anesthesia so as not to traumatize him too much but our insurance refuses to pay if the child is over 6. Speaking of age...both dentist feel very strongly that Josiah real age is probably closer to 7 1/2 or 8 but not 9. This is interesting since he has been insisting since I got him that he is 7 - not 9 as his records indicated. We will be having a wrist scan done by our pediatrician later this month to get their input. Then when we refinalize the adoption we will request a younger birthdate on his American birth certificate. This seems best all around -especially since developmentally he has a LOT of catching up to do.
I have been very blessed this week by meeting Jillian Anderson -another adoptive Mom who lives nearby. God brought her to me just when I most needed to hear from someone who has BTDT. Another adoptive mom, Dawn Lucas, has been with us every step of the way and between the two of these gals I am managing to stay propped up. Then, a few nights ago, a couple from our church came by with a chicken dinner, their kiddos, and themselves just to sit and visit. What a blessing! They knew I just needed company. On top of that, Stephi and her family are never far away and she has been a big help so that I could go to the Commissary for groceries. She will also accompany me to the dentist.

Another intersting thing this week is that after several weeks of going down to bed without much trouble, Jojo started becoming very anxious and scared and hyper-alert. Not so good for my sleep but a great indication of real attachment. The previous bedtime "compliance" was obviously just orphanage behavior. Being frightened and calling for "MAMA!!" means he is actually looking for me to meet his needs, much like a two or three year old. The difference of course with Josiah is that unlike my others who were once two and three years old, he has grown up in a very scarey environment where nighttime was not neeessarily spent in a safe place. So on the advice of those who have BTDT, I am now letting him "choose" whether to sleep in his bed in the boys' room or on a cot in my room. Guess which he chose? Of course! I was a little worried about losing my privacy -what little sane time I have. But I also realized the value of building this attachment.There is no room for "crying it out" in the case of a child who has known trauma and fear.
So last night was experimental. It happened to be right after I made the mistake of trying to take the three boys to a local chinese restaurant while the girls were at a  church youth event. Big mistake! NDTA (never-do-that-again!!!). He revved up the entire time and we had to rush out early. He did not even try to communicate with the nice owner who is Chinese. He liked the food but immediately started acting out -you know, like a two year old with no parenting. So we left, came home immediately and did the nighttime routine to try to get him back on track. He loves bathtime and he talked and talked to me from the tub (wished with all my heart I had a translator!). The boys and I all watched the cartoon Grinch Stole Christmas show, has a snack, then had story time and prayer. Jojo LOVES praying, by the way. He also keeps a nativity set beside his bed and talks about "Jesus" often. He even took his balloon from the dentist outside and told me he was giving it to Jesus. he let it go and waved and said in english "Bye Bye. Go to Jesus!" as it floated away.
Whew! I am almost finished.
Please remember us on Monday December the 12th. I will take Josiah for his dental work -he needs some teeth pulled due to the rottenness/abcesses. Pray for him.
Also, please pray for Mark. He is out traveling around Afghanistan visiting his Marines at their outposts. Probably will be out for ten or eleven more days. Lots of helicopter rides and interesting stuff going on on the ground. Thus far our guys with 1/10 have faired very well. Pray for them all.
Blessings all!

Grief, Loss, and the Uglies

Yesterday was a grumpy day with lots of "uglies". Not just on Josiah's part but on mine too. I guess that is the unromantic reality of adoption. Some days, the child's grief and loss are just overwhelming for everyone. No matter how wonderful and plentiful things are in his life now, the truth is that Josiah has lost a lot in his time. First his birth parents, later a foster family, and then his orphanage friends and caregivers, and finally his culture and language. It doesn't come without a cost to him. I saw it yesterday after we watched some video we took in China of his orphanage. AT first he was excited for his brothers and sisters to see the video, but as it continued I could tell he was conflicted in emotions of excitement at seeing himself on the video and sadness. We turned it off and went for a walk. In the middle of the walk he burst into tears, stomped his feet and headed home. The rest of the evening went downhill. I hugged, kissed, cajoled, and did my best to be comforting but steady. He transitioned from bathtime very well -better than he has all week because he loves playing in the water. But I think it was his way of really trying -and showing me that he was trying. But bedtime was still rough and I probably picked the wrong hill to die on when I decided he was worn out and should get in bed a few minutes before Ben and Isaac (mental note - don't choose an already-rough-day to alter an established routine!). He broke down into (more) screams and tears. I insisted he stay in that bed,and in the middle of this HILL, I knew that I should have let it slide this time. But too late. What to do? I am exasperated and really really wishing that Mark were here to tag team right about now. I spoke sharply, sat him on the bed and knew I'd lost this one. We both lost. There was no winning this one. It was a case of the uglies on both our parts, brought on by grief, loss, and sadness - his and mine. It was time to cut bait and move on. I called the other boys in to bed and with a heavy heart tucked everyone in, hugged, kissed, prayed and said Goodnight.
This morning, God had a word for me. I got up early and sat down with my cofffe and bible and still that you-are-a- parenting-failure feeling in my stomach. The question came to me -What are you called to? I answered "I am called to parent this very hurt little boy -and I am screwing up!". Instantly the Lord spoke to my heart "No, You are called to surrender to me. Surrender your own sadness and loneliness and grief at Mark not being here. Surrender your own struggling to do this in your limited power. Just surrender to Me. THAT is what you are called to."
I would like to say that wisdom flooded my soul and I knew exactly how to tackle the day. But it didn't.
Instead, I just knew that yesterday is gone and one foot has to be put in front of the other one today. But most importantly, I was reminded that I am not really alone. My Lord Jesus loves me, and He is mindful of me.

First Week Home

Yesterday, Josiah got his first military style haircut -long with brother Benjamin. He did not like the noise of the clippers, but after it was over he was very happy and gave Ben a double "high five". I wanted to take a picture but was informed that pics are no longer allowed inside any USMC buildings on base due to "anti-terrorist policies". Oh well.
Josiah has also discovered a favorite pastime -playing with bowls and cups of water in the kitchen floor. I knew he really liked playing in the bathtub, so this was pretty logical. He pretends to make "soup" and bring it to us to eat. So whats a little water on th floor if it makes him happy?

We took the above picture a couple of nights ago. Wondering if I can photoshop Mark in so that we can have a real family pic! HaHa.
Mostly, our first week home has been good. Grace, Katie, Ben and Isaac have been super loving and patient with their new brother. They embraced him at once and have not looked back. Yesterday we all piled into the minivan and took a short drive to the park. Grace looked in the backseat and said "Our family just wouldn't be complete anymore without Josiah!". That espirit de corps is a great thing in situations like this, and without it my job as Mom would be a lot harder.
There have been a few tantrums -not by me but by Josiah! They aren't terrible and I think seem to generally stem from three things: a lack of communication/understanding eachother's language, Josiah not really knowing yet how to live in a family situation, and the deep grief/loss he is experiencing (but probably not really understanding those sad feelings).
So far, I have managed to hold him and let him cry out the uglies. At first I had to convince him to let me hold and rock him when he cried. Now he pretty much comes to me right away and wants to be held. He is the same height as Isaac, but unlike Isaac who is a featherweight,  Josiah is vying for heavyweight of the year! The little guy is solid asian muscle! He weighs a good ten pounds more than Isaac! He isn't fat at all -but reminds me of Benjamin at age 6, very very sturdy!
Josiah does love to eat. He eats about every two hours. Right now his favorite is philipino style noodles just boiled in chicken bouillion. But he is game to try lots of American style food. He loves boiled eggs, chocolate pudding, and bread rolls, but does not like cheese. He is happy to eat fruit and at least try veggies - but I know it is only a matter of time until he notices that the other Conard kiddos are NOT eating their veggies and he becomes ONE OF THEM!
Today I must get homeschool lesson plans finished for next week. So we will see how that goes. It takes a lot of cooperation from everyone when Mom has to focus on something, because we all have to pitch in and keep an eye on Josiah. He is still learning about things like computers, dvd players, printers, etc. I have already found a paper bookmark in the dvd player and a bionicle and four batteries rolled into the printer. He also thinks that the printer is the paper machine -just press the button and free paper rolls out! Had to hide the scissors also. He is not trying to be naughty -just doesn't know yet.
Not to say that he CAN'T be naughty. But not too bad for the most part.

EAST MEETS WEST IN NORTH CAROLINA!

We are back from China now after a very smooth, successful -and LONG trip!  Josiah is getting settled now. He took everything in stride and was very excited to see his new home and meet his new brothers and sisters and Nana and PoPop. He has an overall good attitude, though I know the language barrier is frustrating at times. We all use a lot of sign language and charades, and I learned a few words in mandarin -not how to speak it but at least how to recognize a few things he is saying. But still, the little guy can get pretty exasperated when we can't figure out what he is trying to tell us. All I can say is: "Help, Pete and Laura B.!-Do you have Skype??".
He absolutely loves getting tickled and wrestling with the boys. Josiah is 8 with some developmental delay, so he fits right in with Ben who is about to turn 9, and Isaac who is 6. The girls (Katie- 12 and Grace 13) are a big help. Josiah is in many ways like a typical 5 or 6 year old boy, but other times he is more like a 2 year old.
So we are all learning to adjust and be watchful over the new little brother. I have to tell you all that when I went to get Josiah MingHua, I really expected the worst. I mean that in the sense that I was trying to prepare myself for many difficulties, not the least of which was his special medical need which had been described to us as total bowel incontinence. According to the doctors' reports, he had what appeared to be a congenital birth defect that might require surgery or might not even be reparable. We had just determined that we were willing to deal with those issues.
Well, I am overjoyed to report to you that he is completely healed of that problem whatever it was. He was wearing a diaper when I got him and they warned me about his "problems". But I simply took him back the hotel and changed him into the pull-ups I had brought along, showed him the western toilet and how to operate it and Stephi explained in her limited but handy Mandarin that he could go any time he needed to. He did fine from then on. No bowel incontinence. He has no problems in that area at all. I am happy to report that we are moving right into big boy pants!.
Sorry if that seems too detailed for some of you. I just want you to know how wonderful this is for him! He has been made to wear diapers his entire life! He was kept from going to "regular school" with the other orphanage children because of his "problem".So he is quite behind in school. He only left the orphanage twice a year for field trips. Other than that he stayed with the other children in the special needs class all the time. He has very little stamina because of staying in so much. But thankfully we have had beautiful weather since we came home and he has been outside with the other kids most of the day playing.
I can report that he seems genuinely happy. Of course it is a bit overwhelming for him and for all of us too. On the first night back,  I woke at about 4 a.m with the greatest sense of panic you can imagine! It really scared me - the thought that there is a new little guy in my house , that now there are five precious children counting on ME every day! And Mark is a world away... I just had to slide out of bed and onto my knees and cry. But our God is so faithful. He met me at that moment with the words from  Zechariah 4:6 (which I did not even know I knew!) "Not by might nor by power but by the Spirit of the Lord Almighty" -  those words ringing over and over in my head.
Thank you all for your prayers. Please keep them up!
Much Love and A Blessed Thanksgiving,

A trip to the orphanage... and an update on Ming Hua.

Dear Mark,
Our boy loves to be tickled! Before lunch today we had a tickle fest -rolling around on the bed laughing and tickling for several minutes. He is laughing a lot and smiles almost all the time. Quite a change from the serious little face in the video and pictures.  He is a busy guy too and reminds me of an active three year old -very inquisitive. But also he is able to focus and entertain himself with toys. He loves watching the video you made for him and he asked for paper and crayons and drew two pictures for you this morning. He likes taking a bath and thinks it is very funny that I play with him while bathing him in the tub. He actually told the orphanage director that yesterday! You should have seen him when we went back to visit his friends. He marched up to the gates of the orphanage with two big bags of diapers -one in each hand. He wanted to carry them himself. The nannies saw him coming and met him with smiles and laughter. They brought out the children from his special needs class and he gave them all candy and introduced them to his "Mama". They were precious -many wanting to held and hugged. Most looking up at us with wide-eyes...The orphanage itself was actually well-run and clean and colorful inside. Our guide told us that Nanjing SWI is considered one of the best in China. And truly, MingHua was blessed to be there as far as orphanages go. The caretakers seemed to genuinely care for the children. They took us on a tour and let us meet several children and take pics. My heart is already stolen again! And Stephi is a goner for sure! Many times during the visit I had to bite my lip to keep from crying because I did not want to upset MingHua. After all, that was supposed to be his big day. He was very excited and happy to give away the toys and candy we brought and to give the nannies the diapers and soap.  They laughed and said that he was always very generous, giving the other children things and caring for the younger children.
When we left, as we walked out the orphanage gate, I looked back and wanted to cry. A wave of emotion just washed over me! It suddenly hit me that this was the place where our son had spent mostt of his life. But that was only the beginning, because after the orphanage I had asked our guide to take us to White Horse Park where Minghua was found as a two year old. It took some searching, but we finally found the North gate where his papers indicate he was left. It is a wooded park and isolated area. Our guide suggested that the parents dropped him there instead of the South gate because it is less populated and less chance of their being seen. MingHua did not know the history and I did not tell him. But I did get a picture of the two of us there. One day I will show him and explain.  I could not muster a smile in the picture. All I could think of was a frightened two year old who could not find his Mama...and the mother who walked away. Needless to say, it was an emotional day. But i did not cry. It was not a day to cry, but to rejoice....MingHua's American Mama has come to take him home!
I so wish you could be here, Mark. But I will do my best to give you every detail. I can tell you that he will fit right in with the Conard clan. He loves attention, he likes to snuggle, he likes to be tickled. He sings little happy songs all day long. Very good natured. Very tenderhearted. He likes to try new foods -Poppop will be proud. He ate almost a whole personal pan pizza at the Nanjing Pizza Hut yesterday! He especially loves fried rice and noodles. And he has a funny quirk of putting m & m s in his sippy cup with water and drinking it! He says it is his "coffee" "like Mama's"! haha! As a matter of fact, he likes making strange "soup" concoctions -like milk and rice and soy sauce -etc...but he actually DRINKS it! at first I thought he was playing in his food but he always drinks the stuff he makes. He even offers it to Mama sometimes -and like a good Mama i always try it! (ick)
Right now, we have just returned from sightseeing the Sun-Yat Sen Memorial. He was a important figure -head of the nationalist party before Mao took over here. They love him in Nanjing. It was a beautiful place outside the city and on a mountain. It was good to breathe some semi-fresh air again. I wonder what MingHua will think when he come to the US and realizes that the sky is actually BLUE!!!
Tonight I think we will walk down the "walking street" again - and maybe take a dragon boat ride. We have already been on the Chinese rickshaw. It wa fun. Got a lot of funny looks- the foreign lady with the Chinese boy! We were asked by the rickshaw men what we were visiting for. We were able to explain about the adoption. They kept saying Thank You Thank You! for giving this little boy a home!  But I dont need to be thanked. Rather, I am so thankful that God allowed me to come here. Children like MingHua are not valued here, but they are precious in the sight of God. I have attached some pics of the children we met at the orphanage. I have about ten pics in all but i will only send you a couple. I also have information about the special needs of each one. May God move the hearts of His people to value these little ones and give them homes. Pray for them with me, mark. 
I love you and miss you!
Stacey

PS Stephi is playing a game of Memory cards with MingHua. The reason I call him MingHua is because I have not talked to him yet about his english name Josiah. I want Stephi's friend Soey to explain in Guangzhou when we can tell him the bible story about the boy named Josiah who became a king. Also, he THINKS he is 7 years old....so i am not confusing him by telling him differently yet. We will have the pediatrician and dentist check to tell us what age they think he is.

When we arrived at the Orphanage, we took this picture of Ming Hua, he is holding the nappies and things for the children there.

Meeting Josiah!

 I have our son! It was a wonderful meeting. His face lit up when he saw me! He was so happy and excited. Someone told him Stephi and I are twins and he said "I know I know! They look just like in the picture!" He also recognized Marks picture and I said "i know Baba!" and pointed at it. He had with his the photo album, toy car, and blanket we had sent. I took another album with me and also some pics we took the day you left. He loved comparing all the pictures of everyone -especially Digger! He has been a bundle of energy. I took toy Thomas trains for him to play with and a Thomas Train backpack and colorin book. He said "I love trains!" and played with them the whole time while we waited for another family to get their child. After all of that, Stephi and I brought him back to the hotel. He had eaten EVERY peice of snack food in his bag and both juice drinks and immediately went looking for more food. he is not thin but not fat. Reminds me of Ben a few years ago -very solid. He does not look nine years old (today being his birthday) He is pretty short, but stocky. He loved Stephis watch so we took him to the market and bought him a cheap one. the streets here are a funny mixture of shops like we saw in Zambia right alongside very nice department like stores. He is very generous and shares everything. We took him to a Chinese cafeteria-style place for lunch and he would have picked everything if we had let him. We settled on fried rice (he LOVES it) and some type of meat on a stick and miso soup and a can of pepsi. He shoveled the rice in like he was starved and would not ever eat again. Then he ate three sticks of meat. Then he took on the soup. Finally he poured some pepsi in his soup and ate it. His table manners are , well, we will work on those. He shared everything with Mama (thats me). Even scooping rice from his plate onto mine and giving me a generous spoon of his pepsi soup. We would not resist buying him a couple of little things in the market -a kaleidescope, a snoopy watch (from aunt Stephi). i will go out later to buy him some clothes because we did not know what size to bring and Im glad we waited.
Right now, stephi has gone out to a local store for milk. he keeps eating. He loves chocolate too. he just mixed his leftover soda and a crumbled up granola bar and is eating it out of a tea cup at the hotel...oh, and watching a chinese soap opera -he preferred that to the cartoon channel-lol.  oops, spilled it..wait...
Back now. The little guy cleaned up his own mess! He grabbed a towel and wiped it up then took the cup into the bathroom and washed it out.
By the way, big news here. It seems that his bowel problems have gotten much better and now he is actually going potty! He went here right after lunch. Still needs pull ups but Praise God I really think this is not the terrible problem they indicated. The orphange worker told me that in the past month he has gained some good bowel control. I think he just needs some regular potty training and some good food.
He is BUSY! Into everything -kind of like a toddler. Everything is new and interesting. It is fun watching him. i will keep giving you more updates each day. tomorrow I do the actual adoption registration and he will be officially OURS!! I cannot access my blogspot blog or my facebook account from here. I think they are blocked her in Najing.
just here enjoying our boy. I am in love -again!

(Stacey is not able to post on her blog so I-her daughter Grace-will be doing it for her while she is in China. The things I post are just the emails she has sent me).

Here are some pictures of when Mom first met Josiah!

The above one (when he is in his PJs) was when he started jumping on the bed at her hotel in China!

Mark to AFGH, Mom to China

FYI: if you have read my MOM4HIM blog on blogspot, please just check this one instead. It seems that I can no longer access that blog with my old pobox account and there is just no way around it. And since I can barely manage to keep up with one blog, let alone two, then  this will be it. The other blog still exists but I will be posting on this one for now on unless I can magically access that one again.


Following are a few pics from this past Saturday. Mark packed his gear and headed to Afghanistan. He'll return sometime the end of next June.

We all cried a lot when he left. Isaac asked me "Mommy, if I dont ask for anything else for Christmas, do you think Santa will bring Daddy home?". Sigh...

So after getting Mark off, I tried to get busy. Lots of packing and planning to do before my big trip to China.
Only 5 more days until I meet Josiah MingHua!

Got the TA, Now Preparing to Travel!!

Ok, here he is! I can't stand it. I have to put up at least ONE picture!
We received our FINAL approval and invitation from China to travel. I (stacey) will leave the US on November 5th and meet Josiah MingHua on Nov.8th in Nanjing - his birthday. He will be 8. He will stay with me from then on as we finalize all the adoption stuff in Nanjing then travel down to Guangzhou to the US consulate to work on his visa. Then we will head HOME on Nov.19th.