Amen.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
One Year Home This Month!!
Yesterday marked Josiah's "first" Birthday and his Adoption Day. In China, his birthday (November 8th, as given to him by the orphanage when he was found) was never celebrated. It turned out that last year, I actually met Josiah and signed the adoption paperwork on November 8th. So we get to celebrate TWO special things with him this year. Since Nana and Poppop came to visit last week, we had a special early "Thanksgiving"dinner last Friday and celebrated being a Family. Nana and Poppop gave Josiah a Star Wars blanket for his bed and we gave him some Star Wars pjs.
Yesterday, we celebrated Josiah's birthday with a Peanuts/Snoopy theme. He was so excited leading up to November 8th. I don't know if any kid has every enjoyed having a birthday so much!
Last night at bedtime, Benjamin prayed with a heartfelt gratitude that matched what we all felt: "Thank You Lord for letting us adopt Josiah. Thank You for bringing him into our family, because we love him SO much!".
Amen.
Amen.
Friday, July 29, 2011
He's Home and We're On the Road Again...
Pretty soon after Mark got home we took the kids on a trip to Busch Gardens. It was a blast! Pictures also included. After a few thrilling hours, as we sat resting on the train benches, Mark asked Josiah is he was having fun. Josiah answered emphatically "Yes!". Then he paused mid-smile and said quietly "Please, I don't ever want to go back to China." Thats when his Daddy took him in his arms and assured him that he never needs to worry about that. He is a Conard, and he's staying!
Now, orders have rolled around again and its time to move. We pack up and head out next week, this time to the Crescent City -New Orleans. We will be living right down near all the fun - in Algiers, the new Federal City. Mark will work at the brand new Marine Force Reserve HQ Building. And best of all, he will be HOME SWEET HOME most of the time for the next three years. Sweet!
We are all pretty excited about the new adventures ahead. I think our kids are now conditioned to actually look forward to moving every 2 or 3 years. Our big sadness is leaving the "cousins" behind. And you will probably hear me and Stephanie (my twin sister) crying all the way around the counrty!
But now I just have to gear up for a 12 hour car ride with the kids... It does provide some comic relief to hear Josiah squeal "Who cut tha cheese?!!! Who cut tha cheese?!!". Or occasionally he will point out the window and show us the "Mo Mo cycles!!" (motorcycles) going by.
Fun times. Fun times...
Friday, April 1, 2011
FREE! FREE AT LAST!
We played and played. As I watched Jojo squatting in the sand building a ?? (not sure), he exclaimed "America GOOD for me!! China no good for me." I had to agree.
Now this may seem harsh to some of you and maybe a little unappreciative of the country who gave me my son. But the truth is the truth. China wasn't very good to him. After being totally immersed in English for four months, he is fluent. He even uses English euphemisms and slang correctly. The kiddo is SMART!
But in the Chinese orphanage he was considered "mentally retarded". He wore a diaper and was not allowed to go on field trips or even to the playground with the other children because of his problem. At bedtime one night he sadly described watching the other children go on excursions and having to stay back with the physically and mentally disabled. There was a vacant, straight-ahead stare on his face as he told me. I said "That must have made you very sad." He was still. Then his face crumpled and he cried out in anguish "Me SO sad!!" and then fell into my arms and wept.
Thank God for healing. Thank God that he is here now.
He tells me more, every day a little more. I am learning my son. He is mine.
I grieve that I was not there to help him then, and I marvel at how God protected his tender heart. He is developmentally like a four or five year old now. But in other ways he is much older, much wiser. He is gentle to others, and he still worries about the little children we left behind. He told me very matter of factly that at night the children would be hit about the head and neck if they talked or made noises, but he would very quietly tell stories to the younger children. They must miss him now.
But he is free. He hasn't needed a diaper since the day he left the orphanage. His sisters take him to the playground to swing whenever he wants. His brothers play outside with him every day. A friend gave him a new scooter all his own. The beach is just a short drive away. He has a real Mommy and a Daddy who is coming home in 8 weeks from Afghanistan.
Life is good in America for Josiah MingHua Conard.
But lets pray for those left behind. They need Mommy's and Daddy's too.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Some Helpful Things I Am Learning Along the Way...
Most of these great ideas are taken from two terrific adoption resources:
The Connected Child - a book by Dr. Karyn Purvis and the dvd series "Because They Waited"....
* Do-overs: the opportunity to do it again using respectful words.
* Use WORDS, not behaviors, to be understood...not hitting, whining, screaming.
* Parent: Look for ways to make connections throughout the day. Lots of eye contact, positive touching.
* Be positive.
* Redirect gently.
* Avoid setting off the internal alarm/ survival mode. In other words dont respond to their behavior in anger or impatience -this definitely sets it off in most hurt children.
* Be nurturing in your parenting connections -not avoidant. We don't need to make them "independent"by creating distance. Most of them have been forced to be prematurely independent in the orphanage. Get close!
* Pre-Script (my word) or rehearse whats coming. Tell the child what will happen in a situation BEFORE you go. Explain the choices involved and the guidelines/rules clearly. Keep it simple.
* Lots of positive touch throughout the day. Stay close. Hugging, patting, back rubs.
* Remember, blood sugar levels affect behavior. Take snacks and water on all outings.
* Use the sandwich technique to evalute child's behavioral progress with them. That is:
PRAISE- mention something they are doing well
CORRECTION- mention something that needs work
PRAISE -remind them of a success they have had in the above area.
Following are some behavioral goals for children working on attachment, from Dr. Purvis' book page 193, that I think are great - and simple:
*Listen to my heart
*Be respectful
*Accept NO
*No hitting! (no hurts)
*Be kind, not just polite.
*Express my feelings.
*Use my words (not my behaviors)
*Trust safe people
*Be patient
All of these things are terrific. Some days I feel like I hit it right on the mark. Other days, like yesterday, I couldn't even find the mark! There is no magic formula. I am learning that adopting an older child is a tough game, and I did not know the rules before I signed up! Some days, like yesterday, I wake up and (to my shame) find myself thinking of him "Are you still here!?". I don't want to deal with another tantrum, another language misunderstanding, another sibling conflict, or hear him sing Dr. Halley's (the dentist) "Go To Sleep, Teeth" song one more time. I don't want to be touched, followed to the bathroom, or talked-to incessantly. I want to withdraw inside of myself. But that is exactly what he DOES NOT need. He needs connection -from me.
Even now, as I write this, the little fellow is hovering over me insisting that I get off the computer. He dislikes anything that competes with him for my attention. Usually my computer times are shorter for that reason. But today I just felt strongly about writing this blog.
Too often in the adoption world, we focus on the beautiful, hopeful story of a "forever family". At the other extreme are the very sad stories of adoption dissolution. In between is the reality. The reality of adopting an older child, as I have come to know it, is that it is a daily struggle of making connections and learning what does and does not work for this individual child. At the same time, I am piecing together a jigsaw puzzle about his past. I desperately want to know about his life before us, because it will always affect him. And if it affects him then it affects his family. We, as his parents, need to be able to help him blend it together so that one day he will be able to see the rich tapestry that God has been weaving all along.
So for now, I'd better get off the computer and connect with this little guy. I believe there will be a payoff tomorrow:)
The Connected Child - a book by Dr. Karyn Purvis and the dvd series "Because They Waited"....
* Do-overs: the opportunity to do it again using respectful words.
* Use WORDS, not behaviors, to be understood...not hitting, whining, screaming.
* Parent: Look for ways to make connections throughout the day. Lots of eye contact, positive touching.
* Be positive.
* Redirect gently.
* Avoid setting off the internal alarm/ survival mode. In other words dont respond to their behavior in anger or impatience -this definitely sets it off in most hurt children.
* Be nurturing in your parenting connections -not avoidant. We don't need to make them "independent"by creating distance. Most of them have been forced to be prematurely independent in the orphanage. Get close!
* Pre-Script (my word) or rehearse whats coming. Tell the child what will happen in a situation BEFORE you go. Explain the choices involved and the guidelines/rules clearly. Keep it simple.
* Lots of positive touch throughout the day. Stay close. Hugging, patting, back rubs.
* Remember, blood sugar levels affect behavior. Take snacks and water on all outings.
* Use the sandwich technique to evalute child's behavioral progress with them. That is:
PRAISE- mention something they are doing well
CORRECTION- mention something that needs work
PRAISE -remind them of a success they have had in the above area.
Following are some behavioral goals for children working on attachment, from Dr. Purvis' book page 193, that I think are great - and simple:
*Listen to my heart
*Be respectful
*Accept NO
*No hitting! (no hurts)
*Be kind, not just polite.
*Express my feelings.
*Use my words (not my behaviors)
*Trust safe people
*Be patient
All of these things are terrific. Some days I feel like I hit it right on the mark. Other days, like yesterday, I couldn't even find the mark! There is no magic formula. I am learning that adopting an older child is a tough game, and I did not know the rules before I signed up! Some days, like yesterday, I wake up and (to my shame) find myself thinking of him "Are you still here!?". I don't want to deal with another tantrum, another language misunderstanding, another sibling conflict, or hear him sing Dr. Halley's (the dentist) "Go To Sleep, Teeth" song one more time. I don't want to be touched, followed to the bathroom, or talked-to incessantly. I want to withdraw inside of myself. But that is exactly what he DOES NOT need. He needs connection -from me.
Even now, as I write this, the little fellow is hovering over me insisting that I get off the computer. He dislikes anything that competes with him for my attention. Usually my computer times are shorter for that reason. But today I just felt strongly about writing this blog.
Too often in the adoption world, we focus on the beautiful, hopeful story of a "forever family". At the other extreme are the very sad stories of adoption dissolution. In between is the reality. The reality of adopting an older child, as I have come to know it, is that it is a daily struggle of making connections and learning what does and does not work for this individual child. At the same time, I am piecing together a jigsaw puzzle about his past. I desperately want to know about his life before us, because it will always affect him. And if it affects him then it affects his family. We, as his parents, need to be able to help him blend it together so that one day he will be able to see the rich tapestry that God has been weaving all along.
So for now, I'd better get off the computer and connect with this little guy. I believe there will be a payoff tomorrow:)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Growing Pains...
Mark,
I wish you were here to see how the kids are growing. I dont just mean physically - I mean in every way! Its amazing the amount of stretching and pulling that is required to fit in a new family member...but you would be proud. I think everyone is adjusting very well.
For instance, I used to worry about Isaac. As the youngest, he has always been in danger of being a little spoiled you know. After all, he is our preemie. But since Josiah joined the family, Isaac has had lots of practice learning to think about someone other than himself. And since Josiah LOOKS like a 7 year old but ACTS more like a 3 or 4 year old, I notice that Isaac has really taken him under his wing and looks out for him. They get along great. Being about the same size, they love to wrestle and tickle and play together. Josiah is even impressing Isaac with his emerging LEGO skills. It is wonderful to see Isaac putting someone else first.
Then there is our gentle Benjamin. He truly relishes his role as big brother. And even though he and Josiah have managed to butt heads occasionally, Ben's good-naturedness is just what JoJo needs to diffuse a tense moment. Even when Ben is on the receiving end of one of Josiah's temper-tantrums, he will look at me with a grin and whisper about his little brother "Isn't he CUTE when he gets mad and his eyes squint up like that!".
Katie is Josiah's special play-mate. She never makes him mad always laughs when he wants to be silly and is quick to take him to the playground to swing. She loves to tickle and play. The two of them have their own funny slap-stick humor routine. Katie has taught JoJo how to make all kinds of funny faces. She brings out the natural comedian in our little guy.
Aahh, then there is "Ge Ge". That's Grace. "Ge Ge" means Big Sister in Chinese and it is the ONLY name Josiah will call her. It is a very special position. He seems to see Katie as the playmate but GeGe is the caretaker. She is closest in position to Momma and Aunt Stephanie. Both the girls have been great with Josiah. They have embraced their new brother. After only his first week home Katie declared "We could never be a family without him!".
Mark, dearest, I know you are proud of them all. From the very beginning of this journey, all the kids have made the decision to love Josiah. They daily make the choice to act on that decision. They see how Jesus is working in his heart. They see how God healed his body.
What they don't see, but I do, is how the Lord is also working in them. He is loving through them. He is letting them be His hands and feet.
One of Josiah's favorite movies is the Tigger movie. Its about the Winnie the Pooh character Tigger who goes looking for his "real" Tigger family. In the end, Tigger is unable to find anymore Tiggers. But he finds that his real family is right there with him in the Hundred-Acre-Wood : Pooh, Piglet, Kanga, Roo, Rabbit, Eyeore, Owl, and Christopher Robin. Josiah is always delighted at the end of the story when Tigger declares that he has found his family. Occasionally after watching it, JoJo has said things like "In China, me have no family. Me one, like Tigger.".
Well, last night, after a little arguement over some Legos, Josiah and Benjamin apologized to one another. Josiah was clearly worried that Ben was angry (and actually Ben had a reason to be). " Ben angry me! Me sad!", he sobbed. Right away Benjamin threw his arms around his little brother and exclaimed "No Josiah. Ben loves you! I forgive you. I love you my brother!". An amazing look came over Josiah's face - as if he could hardly understand what he was being offered - forgiveness and love - instead of shame, guilt, fear. His face brightened. "Me family!" he cried out, "Me family."
Aaah, he's getting it!
Yes, Tigger, we are family.
I wish you were here to see how the kids are growing. I dont just mean physically - I mean in every way! Its amazing the amount of stretching and pulling that is required to fit in a new family member...but you would be proud. I think everyone is adjusting very well.
For instance, I used to worry about Isaac. As the youngest, he has always been in danger of being a little spoiled you know. After all, he is our preemie. But since Josiah joined the family, Isaac has had lots of practice learning to think about someone other than himself. And since Josiah LOOKS like a 7 year old but ACTS more like a 3 or 4 year old, I notice that Isaac has really taken him under his wing and looks out for him. They get along great. Being about the same size, they love to wrestle and tickle and play together. Josiah is even impressing Isaac with his emerging LEGO skills. It is wonderful to see Isaac putting someone else first.
Then there is our gentle Benjamin. He truly relishes his role as big brother. And even though he and Josiah have managed to butt heads occasionally, Ben's good-naturedness is just what JoJo needs to diffuse a tense moment. Even when Ben is on the receiving end of one of Josiah's temper-tantrums, he will look at me with a grin and whisper about his little brother "Isn't he CUTE when he gets mad and his eyes squint up like that!".
Katie is Josiah's special play-mate. She never makes him mad always laughs when he wants to be silly and is quick to take him to the playground to swing. She loves to tickle and play. The two of them have their own funny slap-stick humor routine. Katie has taught JoJo how to make all kinds of funny faces. She brings out the natural comedian in our little guy.
Aahh, then there is "Ge Ge". That's Grace. "Ge Ge" means Big Sister in Chinese and it is the ONLY name Josiah will call her. It is a very special position. He seems to see Katie as the playmate but GeGe is the caretaker. She is closest in position to Momma and Aunt Stephanie. Both the girls have been great with Josiah. They have embraced their new brother. After only his first week home Katie declared "We could never be a family without him!".
Mark, dearest, I know you are proud of them all. From the very beginning of this journey, all the kids have made the decision to love Josiah. They daily make the choice to act on that decision. They see how Jesus is working in his heart. They see how God healed his body.
What they don't see, but I do, is how the Lord is also working in them. He is loving through them. He is letting them be His hands and feet.
One of Josiah's favorite movies is the Tigger movie. Its about the Winnie the Pooh character Tigger who goes looking for his "real" Tigger family. In the end, Tigger is unable to find anymore Tiggers. But he finds that his real family is right there with him in the Hundred-Acre-Wood : Pooh, Piglet, Kanga, Roo, Rabbit, Eyeore, Owl, and Christopher Robin. Josiah is always delighted at the end of the story when Tigger declares that he has found his family. Occasionally after watching it, JoJo has said things like "In China, me have no family. Me one, like Tigger.".
Well, last night, after a little arguement over some Legos, Josiah and Benjamin apologized to one another. Josiah was clearly worried that Ben was angry (and actually Ben had a reason to be). " Ben angry me! Me sad!", he sobbed. Right away Benjamin threw his arms around his little brother and exclaimed "No Josiah. Ben loves you! I forgive you. I love you my brother!". An amazing look came over Josiah's face - as if he could hardly understand what he was being offered - forgiveness and love - instead of shame, guilt, fear. His face brightened. "Me family!" he cried out, "Me family."
Aaah, he's getting it!
Yes, Tigger, we are family.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
And a Happy New Year ...
Josiah's favorite song this holiday season has been "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" - only when we listened closely we realized that he misunderstood the ending and was singing:
"We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new YOU!".
Well, maybe we are all wishing for a new us in 2011. I know I am. Thank the Lord for His Spirit Who gives us all we need for truth and godliness (2 Peter 1:3-4). Now, if we will only believe it and live it. I am speaking to myself here.
We had a good Christmas with family and friends. But always, always there is that longing in our hearts for Mark. He had a pretty rough Christmas in Afghanistan. I think of him every hour of the day and pray for him. I hope all of you who read this will too.
Here are a few Christmas pictures. The first is our annual re-enactment of the Nativity, this year with the cousins. Enjoy.
"We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new YOU!".
Well, maybe we are all wishing for a new us in 2011. I know I am. Thank the Lord for His Spirit Who gives us all we need for truth and godliness (2 Peter 1:3-4). Now, if we will only believe it and live it. I am speaking to myself here.
We had a good Christmas with family and friends. But always, always there is that longing in our hearts for Mark. He had a pretty rough Christmas in Afghanistan. I think of him every hour of the day and pray for him. I hope all of you who read this will too.
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